Payback

My mom and dad-in law visited this week and it was awesome. I really do love spending time with them and it's so easy to see how they could produce such an amazing fella as my beloved. Being...well, mega poor makes their (or my parent's visits) quite a treat because then we get to actually eat out...like REAL food I didn't cook. As MS (Mad Scientist, chilling in my abdomen) not so gently sucks the energy out of me, I have come to better appreciate not cooking. :D Now, I love to cook. I really, really do. It's one of my favorite things, however, when you've woken up from your afternoon nap after work...you just don't wanna. Most of what we get when we go to eat out are things I don't normally cook anyway. The un-fun part is when everyone looks at you like, "What's the baby want?". I don't know. It doesn't know. MS is pretty clear on what it does NOT want, but the other is a little sketchy. Now, there are times when MS knows EXACTLY what it wants...like YESTERDAY so get on it, woman! Most of the time it's more a process of elimination.

One of my favorite parts of being knocked up is when I eat, every flavor is so new. It's either the best thing EVER or must exit my mouth immediately. I think it might be a bit of a bummer post knockedupedness (it is a word...for me. Let it go, grammar police peoples. I love it and will keep it) when I go back to the usual...eh of flavor. I have thoroughly enjoyed rediscovering food. Relax, people...I am still fitting through standard doorways and after the dr visit yesterday I'm actually down some weight since i last convinced myself to locate and exercise a scale (I refuse to have them in my house...they're evil and make people do/say/eat stupid things).

Okay, Dr. visit. First, they were super nice folks. Second, they DID warn us it would be a LOOOONG visit. The visit was said to take 3-5 hours. What they should have said was it'll probably be longer...pack food. So we arrive a few minutes early for our 815 am appt. The lobby was packed full of what I love to call "fat with baby" people. It is fascinating to see all the different sizes and shapes of those protruding baby bellies. Like God was just having a blast when He worked all of that out. First, He makes us look freakish (sorry people - nothing normal about the shape of us pregnant women. Sure it's beautiful with the new life making and all that junk, but really - it's a touch on the creepy side as my mirror daily reminds me), but then He also made us hormonal so if anyone DARES say something they will be obliterated and no one will speak up to save them. Too funny. I'm thinking if pregnant women were put into battle...the planet would both be lost and repopulated in a short time. lol. There is some crazy, dangerous stuff about the workings of a knocked up mind. Emotional control? Psh...haven't seen that in months. I think it was lost with my filter.

Sorry, back to the Dr appt... So, 5 hours and 37 minutes later we left having been instructed on proper nutrition (which is kind of a no-brainer, I would think), i was properly violated, my medical history and that of my man were documented and we got to hear the MS's heartbeat. They only looked for one. Apparently it took a 2nd try as the MS was uncooperative (am I surprise?! nope).  They said if there were more swimming around in there, we'd find them at the ultrasound in July. Yikes...  

So MS prefers sustenance on a bi -hourly basis. After 5 and a half hours, MS was more than a little mad. By the time we got out of there, we grabbed food and came home for a loooong nap. Then we were thinking dinner. We were thinking brick oven pizza from this gourmet market down the street. MS had revenge in mind... After replacing the phone charger cord with a non-chewed in half version (thanks to the puppy who is becoming immune to Bitter Apple spray...), we were set to go for pizza. All of the sudden I looked at my man and said - MS says no pizza. The thought of it made me ill. Instead...I wanted...(holding back tears)...SALAD. Salad is the food that food eats. It's not food. It might be a side dish, but it ain't food (sorry - had to go southern there for a moment). We went to whole foods for their salad bar (because I RARELY have salad fixings at home). Oh MS was mad and payback was to be HUGE. The little bugger even refused to allow MEAT on the salad. Oh it was personal... I knew it the moment I saw the glorious grilled chicken and realized it wasn't going to happen that it was personal. So my salad had greens, carrots, olives, tomatoes,  cheese (because MS is a slut for the cheese) and dressing. I was mortified. Sure i had a little fruit on the side, but MS had certainly made it's point...loud and clear. MORE snacks, less hunger....BRAT...

Though I'm not sure what I expected. It is MY spawn....

Knocked Up : The conception...of food has altered. Significantly.

Well... It's been since May that my man and I knew we were knocked up. I'm currently about 14 weeks along. I am of the few blessed women not to have had morning (noon or night) sickness. I cheerfully accept. I imagine it being a trade off for being so..not young and having my first. I know lots of women have babies in their mid to late thirties. We never expected it to be possible and well, we've only been married for 5 months. lol.

I've always been a foodie, but wow. The little Mad Scientist within me has had plenty of fun pushing buttons and spinning dials. I'm pretty much hungry ALL the time and have random cravings depending on where I am, what I see or even things people post on Facebook. It's ridiculous.

It all started before I knew I was pregnant. My first clue was my constant cravings for hot wings and fries. I've always loved them. I'd be happy to eat them weekly...but daily?! Then one day, as the temperatures got warmer all I could think about was a tomato sandwich. I HAD to have one. I got a tomato, bread, ranch dressing (I use that instead of mayo - awesome flavor combo!). I took it to work, put it all together, took that first glorious bite and... gagged. It was offensive. The taste hadn't changed. Instantly I thought - Oh crap...I'm knocked up. Pleeeeeeeeeeeease let it be a stomach virus. A test the next morning revealed that indeed, it was not a stomach virus. Rather...the proof positive (ha! ) of the Mad Scientist (we shall shorten this to M.S for the remainder of this blog).

That is where the food adventure really began, though only slight cravings at first. Lentil soup here, Gyro there...easy stuff...until that fateful day at IHOP. I wanted IHOP for breakfast. I needed the strawberry, banana, nutella crepes something fierce. I also knew that I couldn't just have crepes, that I needed real protein. I asked the waitress what sort of meat sides I could get. She rattled off the usual, bacon, sausage, ham...each time the M.S. said EW!...until she said pork chops. YES, PLEASE!!!! My man informed her of our impending spawn, to which her look of bewilderment changed to a look of uneasy understanding. That's right...be afraid. I am. She finally arrived with our food and I dove in with abandon. I began eating the pork chops seperately from the crepes until M.S. took over my arm...I found myself sopping up the nutella/strawberry syrup with the pork chop. I knew it was wrong. SO VERY WRONG!! Yet, it was EXACTLY what I wanted. I felt betrayed by my spawn, already. Wasn't this supposed to happen in the preteens or something instead of in utero??! Horrified,  I decided to save one of the pork chops for later (which I gnawed on like a ravenous dog later that evening).

From that point on the cravings have been bizarre and constant. They're not the easy going ones I had early on. Nope, I would almost kill for these...which unnerves my beloved more than a little. They range from chocolate milkshakes, simply orange orange juice (no other brand is sufficient for my little M.S.'s refined palate), animal crackers, pizza, anything cheesy (I swear i'm going to birth a teenager), coke floats (caff free coke, of course), and now we've devolved to suggestive cravings.

Yes, suggestive cravings. A friend mentioned cheetoes on facebook a few days ago and I literally said, "mmmmm....cheetoes" out loud. My beloved was kind enough to provide a bag the following day on his way to work. That man is a trooper and I adore him. Today a friend mentioned refried beans. M.S. was all over that. Then I thought, hey a nice bean salad sounds good, so I began looking up recipes for bean salad. That led me to pasta salads and before I knew it I had eaten 8 pickles. I don't even KNOW what happened there.

I must say that knockedupedness has been a wild ride. Lets see where the next craving takes us.

If you're knocked up or have been, what kinds of cravings have y'all had? Or feel free to comment on my grossness. I can take it. :D

Thanks for reading!